I acted completely instinctively, reacted without thinking further; I grabbed Nika's hand when he got up and he spun around forcibly. I regretted my reaction immediately. Tears fell down his pale cheeks, endless agony and pain shined in his eyes. That was it - that's what I had feared and expected to see from Nika.
"You don`t have to ever forgive me, and you are not even supposed to do so." I began, trying to search for the right words. "But I want you to understand that I`m really so fucking sorry for what I did. I should never have done it to you, I should never have touched you that way..."
But the right words didn`t come. The right words didn`t even exist - no word spoken would change what has happened, and the few words didn`t mattered a shit compared to pain tearing him. My act couldn`t be explained or compensated in any way.
"Don`t you fucking idiot get it?" Nika suddenly asked, frowned his eyebrows from disbelief, and snorted like he was talking to small child who didn`t listen when he was supposed. "You left me. You get away. No other thing have a fucking difference. I'm your fucking brother for God`s sake, same flesh and blood, and you left me here alone!"
Then I realized for the first time that something was seriously wrong in Nika. He wasn`t angry about what I had done to him, but that I had left him alone.
When the bathroom door slammed shut, I stood up. I hardly could have slept any longer, I was already nervous and embarrassed though it was only morning. I made cofee for us and dug breakfast from the fridge. Nika's face was, as usual, expressionless when he looked at meats, cheeses, breads, and cereals I had put on the table. Then he looked me in the eyes and grinned.
"Yeah, you will be good housewife someday." Nika said amusement in his voice, and I could have laughed at the sheer surprise and joy. Pale face`s dimples had stood out just long enough that I knew they were still there, and before so characteristic smile had briefly shown in his eyes. My heart threw a cartwheel and I couldn`t help but grin back.
"Don`t expect too much, you spoiled little brat.", I muttered smiling. Maybe this, after all, could still become something.
Nika ate with a good appetite many loaves of bread, threw his coffee to his throat and get his backpack. He threw his jacket on, put his shoes on quickly and carelessly, and shouted hello from the door. I stared after him smiling foolishly.
Maybe I could still get my brother back.
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