Alex Foster chapter 8

I had told to myself for the past three months that my family had died.

 Father I had never even had, he had left after he heard about his upcoming child. Mum blamed my birth for destroying her life and dreams, and sought comfort from the booze. She left me alone at home, and went looking for a savior of her life to smoke-filled boozers. Sometimes she grabbed even quite nice guys, but these relationships never lasted for long, no sane person could stand for long my mum`s devastating self-pity and constant drinking. 

I was 4 when my mum met Erik. They fell in love fierily, married each other in registry office after dating for a week, and my mum stopped drinking because of Erik. Erik considered me immediately as his own son, and I worshiped him just as much as my mum. Soon my mum noticed she was pregnant again, and Erik`s eyes had a new kind of glow. I tried pointlessly to compete with the unborn king, we competed in a completely different category, and I started to hate Nika with my whole five-year-old`s grit. Erik just smiled to my attention-seeking.  

Nika was six months old when Erik started to cough blood. Doctors gave their best, but finally lung cancer won. In Erik's funeral Nika shouted and cryied covering priest's speech, and mum put him in my arms with heart-breaking tirednesd in her face. 

I had never even wanted to touch Nika - I couldn`t stand him. Here I sat anyway, holding a baby whose crying just got louder while I watched him. I didn`t knew what to say or do; I tried stiffly to rock him but it only seemed to make things worse. The neighbor's lady told me to go outside to wait with Nika, and the priest continued to talk as I walked into the bright sunshine. 


"Shut up, you idiot," I snapped angrily, but Nika didn`t stop crying. It kicked, clenched fists and shouted, face red. I just wanted to somehow silence him, and I pressed my lips hesitantly to Nika's mouth. My mom had done so to Erik always when Erik was angry, and finally he had forgived and laughed. Nika silenced immediately. He looked at me completely expressinlessly, blue eyes wide and mouth open. His hands lighted their grip a little and kicking stopped. As to make sure he would stay silent, I gave him another kiss that lasted longer than first one and tasted salty. Nika smiled and talked jibberish, and I didn`t even noticed I was smiling too.